To anyone who's met me in person, it probably goes without saying that I err on the quiet side. Depending on my mood and how much sleep I've been making myself get, sometimes far on the quiet side. I often find this extremely vexing. I envy people with vibrant, bold personalities - people who stand up for things and speak their minds. They make it look so easy, so natural. It can be so hard for me - hard to remember, hard to do.
All this in spite of the fact that I know a personality switch on my part would change only the particular nature of my sins - not their pervasiveness or gravity. These things are rather easier to accept in theory than to really, truly believe.
But this morning in the quiet at work, somewhere between the cinnamon rolls and the lattes and the chocolate chunk cookies, something struck me.
I thought, what if God is letting me show myself initially to the world as a timid people-pleaser, so that as He grants me grace to learn courage (as I believe He is, a little and a little at a time), it will be only that much more evident that none but the hand of God could do this thing.
He used a runaway prince with a speech impediment to lead His people for forty years.
He used fishermen and tax collectors to lay the foundation of His Church.
He used a talking donkey once, for Pete's sake, to keep a man from destroying himself.
He can do something with little old me - and I hope and pray that He will.
2 comments:
Love this, Tierney! For years I felt like God (who doesn't make mistakes) made one with me. Making us doubt and long to be like someone else has to be one of satan's most insidious, dangerous tactics. I love who you are and He not only can do something with you, He IS!
I know - it is dangerous, and delicate to resist - because there's an element of truth in it (I suppose there is, though, in most temptations). We can and should learn from other people ... just not wish to be them. Ugh, so complicated. :P Anyway, thanks so much for your encouragement! :)
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