I am a creature easily killed by monotony, but even I will readily admit there are some habits worth having. I have a few myself.
For example, when I'm driving I always stick my gum wrapper (if I have one) under my right leg. I'm not sure when or why I started doing this, but I'm glad I did. It saves me the trouble of interrupting whatever train of thought I might be riding when it suddenly occurs to me that my gum has lost its flavor, and wondering, "oh great ... where'd I put my wrapper?"
I just reach subconsciously under my leg and there it is, always. I recommend habits like this.
It may or may not interest the general public to know that the thoughts which initiated this missive were originally scrawled on the back of an unpleasant letter received weeks ago by the author (and long since resolved), while barreling down the highway at just about exactly 70 miles an hour. The letter had been haunting the interior of her purse for long enough, she thought, and anyway, she didn't have any other paper handy.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
update:
Keegan's dog, Shilo, is having puppies. Right. Now!
Two so far.
I'll keep you posted.
Ahh, new life. Nothing like it.
Two so far.
I'll keep you posted.
Ahh, new life. Nothing like it.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
cheap thrills
Tuesdays aren't always my favorite.
I mean, I like the things I do on Tuesdays ... I just do a lot of things on Tuesdays. Towards mid-afternoon, I generally start wondering, will this day never end?
So I've decided it will be a good idea to start looking for the happy little things that poke out at me from the midst of the frenzy that accompanies the third day of my week.
Today:
In spite of my failure to either find or make much time at all for cello practice during the preceding week, my lesson went off without anything quite exactly like a hitch. Good thing I have a patient teacher.
While waiting for my dear, indecisive sister to pick out a pair of sunglasses at Wal-Mart, I discovered a display in the midst of their usually-tacky cheap-jewelry-section, containing some necklaces I actually liked, for (only?) $5.00 each (they came with earrings). I bought two. Happy birthday to me, or something. One of them has a key and a heart on a longish chain. The other (which I really like) has an empty bird cage, and hooked a little higher on the chain, a bird in flight. It made me think of the verse from which I derived the title of this blog. Yeah, I like it - even though the clasp is really quite stiff.
The grain elevator is so busy right now with harvest getting underway, they asked my fellow cleaning girl and me if we'd mind coming half an hour later than usual this evening - which left me with a full fifty minutes (as opposed to the usual ten) free after piano lessons. (I know, the math doesn't work out - I'm usually running late, and I wasn't tonight.) I sat at the park, eating my convenience store supper in a leisurely manner, and reading Douglas Wilson's "Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning" as the sun sank behind the trees. It was a blissful oasis of stillness and solitude.
A few people were still working at the elevator when we got there, in spite of the recalculated start time. So we got out our supplies, started in the back corner, and cleaned all the offices in the opposite order from what we always, unfailingly do otherwise. (My fellow cleaning girl is a much more systematic soul than I.) Have I mentioned that I love variety? Yeah ... I might be a little too easily amused.
On the radio driving home (at last) around 10:00, yet another hair-rippingly desperate, grief-stricken Daughtry song was immediately followed by the station's deep-throated mantra, "Iowa's best variety" - and then some unidentified number comprised mainly of perky, honking vocals and carnival noise. I laughed.
(meditative pause)
You know, I titled this post "cheap thrills" - but they're not cheap. They're costing me my life. Each one in succession finds me with a little more time behind me, a little bit less ahead. Oh, let me use what's in between for good!
(No, I'm not moody. Definitely not moody. Why would you say that?)
I mean, I like the things I do on Tuesdays ... I just do a lot of things on Tuesdays. Towards mid-afternoon, I generally start wondering, will this day never end?
So I've decided it will be a good idea to start looking for the happy little things that poke out at me from the midst of the frenzy that accompanies the third day of my week.
Today:
In spite of my failure to either find or make much time at all for cello practice during the preceding week, my lesson went off without anything quite exactly like a hitch. Good thing I have a patient teacher.
While waiting for my dear, indecisive sister to pick out a pair of sunglasses at Wal-Mart, I discovered a display in the midst of their usually-tacky cheap-jewelry-section, containing some necklaces I actually liked, for (only?) $5.00 each (they came with earrings). I bought two. Happy birthday to me, or something. One of them has a key and a heart on a longish chain. The other (which I really like) has an empty bird cage, and hooked a little higher on the chain, a bird in flight. It made me think of the verse from which I derived the title of this blog. Yeah, I like it - even though the clasp is really quite stiff.
The grain elevator is so busy right now with harvest getting underway, they asked my fellow cleaning girl and me if we'd mind coming half an hour later than usual this evening - which left me with a full fifty minutes (as opposed to the usual ten) free after piano lessons. (I know, the math doesn't work out - I'm usually running late, and I wasn't tonight.) I sat at the park, eating my convenience store supper in a leisurely manner, and reading Douglas Wilson's "Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning" as the sun sank behind the trees. It was a blissful oasis of stillness and solitude.
A few people were still working at the elevator when we got there, in spite of the recalculated start time. So we got out our supplies, started in the back corner, and cleaned all the offices in the opposite order from what we always, unfailingly do otherwise. (My fellow cleaning girl is a much more systematic soul than I.) Have I mentioned that I love variety? Yeah ... I might be a little too easily amused.
On the radio driving home (at last) around 10:00, yet another hair-rippingly desperate, grief-stricken Daughtry song was immediately followed by the station's deep-throated mantra, "Iowa's best variety" - and then some unidentified number comprised mainly of perky, honking vocals and carnival noise. I laughed.
(meditative pause)
You know, I titled this post "cheap thrills" - but they're not cheap. They're costing me my life. Each one in succession finds me with a little more time behind me, a little bit less ahead. Oh, let me use what's in between for good!
(No, I'm not moody. Definitely not moody. Why would you say that?)
Monday, September 27, 2010
Oh, what do you do...
...when life jumps out from behind a corner and bites you in the foot for no good reason at all?
...when you're tired in the morning, but not at night?
...when every last thing on your schedule seems to be vying for top priority?
...when you feel like the lone nincompoop in a world of experts?
...when fear holds you back from joy, and you're afraid to break the chains?
...when the day is too short and the list is too long?
...when all the voices of reason disagree amongst themselves, and you can't trust your own compass?
...when you know what you want, and you know that it's good, but you know you can't have it, or at least not yet?
...when you want to just trust everyone, but it turns out you can't?
...when you're tempted to just not trust anyone, but it turns out you must?
...when your heart says one thing, and your mind says three more, and your actions make up a pantomime of their combat?
...when you want to please everyone, and can't seem to please anyone, and know all the time that you should only really care about pleasing God?
...when all your good intentions just sit there and look at you, like what, were we supposed to do something?
...when you know you're supposed to be happy, but you just can't remember how?
What do you do?
I think you should sit down for a moment, and read passages like this, and drink up the promises, and remember.
It's not the end of the world, after all.
And if it is - well, hallelujah!
...when you're tired in the morning, but not at night?
...when every last thing on your schedule seems to be vying for top priority?
...when you feel like the lone nincompoop in a world of experts?
...when fear holds you back from joy, and you're afraid to break the chains?
...when the day is too short and the list is too long?
...when all the voices of reason disagree amongst themselves, and you can't trust your own compass?
...when you know what you want, and you know that it's good, but you know you can't have it, or at least not yet?
...when you want to just trust everyone, but it turns out you can't?
...when you're tempted to just not trust anyone, but it turns out you must?
...when your heart says one thing, and your mind says three more, and your actions make up a pantomime of their combat?
...when you want to please everyone, and can't seem to please anyone, and know all the time that you should only really care about pleasing God?
...when all your good intentions just sit there and look at you, like what, were we supposed to do something?
...when you know you're supposed to be happy, but you just can't remember how?
What do you do?
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
(2Cor. 12:9)
Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!
(Psalm 46:10)
"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
(John 16:33)
I think you should sit down for a moment, and read passages like this, and drink up the promises, and remember.
It's not the end of the world, after all.
And if it is - well, hallelujah!
Friday, September 24, 2010
hope
To anyone who's met me in person, it probably goes without saying that I err on the quiet side. Depending on my mood and how much sleep I've been making myself get, sometimes far on the quiet side. I often find this extremely vexing. I envy people with vibrant, bold personalities - people who stand up for things and speak their minds. They make it look so easy, so natural. It can be so hard for me - hard to remember, hard to do.
All this in spite of the fact that I know a personality switch on my part would change only the particular nature of my sins - not their pervasiveness or gravity. These things are rather easier to accept in theory than to really, truly believe.
But this morning in the quiet at work, somewhere between the cinnamon rolls and the lattes and the chocolate chunk cookies, something struck me.
I thought, what if God is letting me show myself initially to the world as a timid people-pleaser, so that as He grants me grace to learn courage (as I believe He is, a little and a little at a time), it will be only that much more evident that none but the hand of God could do this thing.
He used a runaway prince with a speech impediment to lead His people for forty years.
He used fishermen and tax collectors to lay the foundation of His Church.
He used a talking donkey once, for Pete's sake, to keep a man from destroying himself.
He can do something with little old me - and I hope and pray that He will.
All this in spite of the fact that I know a personality switch on my part would change only the particular nature of my sins - not their pervasiveness or gravity. These things are rather easier to accept in theory than to really, truly believe.
But this morning in the quiet at work, somewhere between the cinnamon rolls and the lattes and the chocolate chunk cookies, something struck me.
I thought, what if God is letting me show myself initially to the world as a timid people-pleaser, so that as He grants me grace to learn courage (as I believe He is, a little and a little at a time), it will be only that much more evident that none but the hand of God could do this thing.
He used a runaway prince with a speech impediment to lead His people for forty years.
He used fishermen and tax collectors to lay the foundation of His Church.
He used a talking donkey once, for Pete's sake, to keep a man from destroying himself.
He can do something with little old me - and I hope and pray that He will.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
notes on a scandal
(or: a few things I've discovered in the more recent portion of my brief stay on this queer planet)
There are better and worse ways to make chai tea at home.
In spite of my thus-far non-habit of using them, I really like aprons - chiefly because they allow a cook to wipe her hands off on herself without a second thought.
It's delightfully acceptable to wear fuzzy socks to church, if you also wear boots and a long skirt to cover them up.
I guess my sister eats chocolate chips under stress (current example: Chinese checkers with Keegan).
Even I have my competitive moments.
According to Keegan, the only difference between himself and Justin Bieber is that he (by which I mean Keegan) doesn't have any recording contracts.
I hate changing clothes. One way to decrease stress on a Sunday afternoon is to leave on most of your church clothes - exchanging, perhaps, a skirt for a pair of jeans - and then making the minimal switch back to decency in time for the evening service.
I also hate brushing my teeth. (Don’t worry, I do it, I just don’t enjoy it.)I have yet to come up with a good solution for this problem. It’s possible there isn’t one.
However, I actually kind of enjoy washing dishes. I find this a little peculiar, but convenient.
Dark chocolate-hazelnut lattes are pretty good, too.
There are better and worse ways to make chai tea at home.
In spite of my thus-far non-habit of using them, I really like aprons - chiefly because they allow a cook to wipe her hands off on herself without a second thought.
It's delightfully acceptable to wear fuzzy socks to church, if you also wear boots and a long skirt to cover them up.
I guess my sister eats chocolate chips under stress (current example: Chinese checkers with Keegan).
Even I have my competitive moments.
According to Keegan, the only difference between himself and Justin Bieber is that he (by which I mean Keegan) doesn't have any recording contracts.
I hate changing clothes. One way to decrease stress on a Sunday afternoon is to leave on most of your church clothes - exchanging, perhaps, a skirt for a pair of jeans - and then making the minimal switch back to decency in time for the evening service.
I also hate brushing my teeth. (Don’t worry, I do it, I just don’t enjoy it.)I have yet to come up with a good solution for this problem. It’s possible there isn’t one.
However, I actually kind of enjoy washing dishes. I find this a little peculiar, but convenient.
Dark chocolate-hazelnut lattes are pretty good, too.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
appreciation
The trick: not to require it myself, yet not to neglect showing it to others.
Too bad it's so much easier to get it backwards.
Pretty much amazing that nothing is impossible with God - and He's on my side.
Or rather, I'm on His.
Too bad it's so much easier to get it backwards.
Pretty much amazing that nothing is impossible with God - and He's on my side.
Or rather, I'm on His.
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